Defining moments

Recently my good friend Sara sent me a talk by a General Authority of the Church on defining moments in our lives and discerning them through the Holy Spirit. It was really a great talk and got me thinking about the defining moments in my own life. I decided to commit them to writing so that I wouldn't forget them. So here are some of them.... (I am sure there are many more important moments in my life than the list below, but for some reason I can only think of those that have happened in the last ten years or so. Must be age! :))

1. My baptism: I didn't realize it at all at the time, but that was a turning point in my life. To be honest, I didn't have that strong a testimony when I was baptized in 1997- it was an act of faith, based on the good feelings I had when I was at church, read the scriptures and was around members. But looking back on that decision, I realize how important it was in my life- it marked the starting point of a beautiful journey, the time when I started becoming a different person.... A much better person whom I like much better. :)

2. Temple marriage or nothing: For about two years after I joined the Church, I dated this guy I met at school. He was really nice and he had a big heart and we had a wonderful, loving relationship, but he was not even remotely interested in learning about the Church. For two years I went along, hoping that eventually he would become interested in the Church. By the time we got to the point where we were talking about marriage, I had resigned myself to the fact that I would be married to someone who did not hold the priesthood, who smoked and drank and cussed, and who wouldn't go to church with me on Sundays. Then, gradually, something happened.... I realized that this was not the life I wanted for myself or my children. I wanted a temple marriage that would last forever. I wanted a strong priesthood holder to preside in my home. I wanted to be able to share my deepest feelings and most sacred experiences with my eternal companion. I wanted my children to be able to look to their father for counsel, blessings and strength. I wanted my family to be grounded in the gospel and my home to be a haven for all of us. And so I decided that, however much I loved my boyfriend, he was not the person with whom I would make my life. I made a commitment that I would get married in the temple or not at all.... And, even though I have not found that "special someone" yet, I do not regret the decision I made many years ago. I am so grateful that my loving Father helped me see, however dimly, that that sacrifice would bless my life and that of generations to come. I have had that testimony reaffirmed to me several times in the years since.

3. Serve the Lord: Since the time I joined the Church, I knew I wanted to serve a mission. My family was taught by two amazing, loving sister missionaries, and seeing them and the service they gave kindled in me a desire to be just like them. I felt that that desire was righteous and pleasing to Heavenly Father as well. A few years later, I was able to fulfill that desire, and I served a mission on Temple Square, in Salt Lake City. Words cannot tell what that time spent in the service of the Lord did for me. I learned the gospel and understood it better. From learning and teaching about the pioneers and the sacrifices they made to be established in the west, I understood what it means to be committed to the Lord. I grew to love the scriptures and to relish the time I spent each day studying them. I acquired a deep love for the temple and the ordinances we perform therein. I was blessed to serve with amazing people- both my mission presidents and their wives, and fellow sister missionaries- who taught me by example what it means to be a disciple of Jesus Christ. In short, during those 18 months, I became truly converted. I would not be half the person I am now had I not had the privilege of serving.

4. Get a Ph.D.: I did not set out to get a doctorate. When I came to the United States for graduate school, my plan was to complete a Master's degree and then look for a job. But then, a few months before I was to graduate and as I started to look for jobs, I felt a very distinct "stupor of thought." After thinking through it, I realized that Heavenly Father wanted me to stay in school. I was scared, but I did it.... and I actually enjoyed the journey! My degree has led me to a different career track that I had planned on initially and, although I have not given up on my dream of working in international development someday, I know I am where I am supposed to be, doing what I need to be doing. It is a good feeling, even though I don't know why exactly I needed to take this track.

Writing these, I realize that these defining moments are, by and large, times when I have chosen to follow commandments of the Lord rather than the ways of the world. How amazing that the Lord cares about little me enough to direct my life!

End of semester!

Wow, I can't believe that fifteen weeks are over, and the end of the fall semester is here! This is the last week of classes. There is one week of finals, and then we are all off for an entire month! I am both looking forward to it and dreading it. But before we discuss the break, let's review the semester.

Overall, I guess it has been a good semester.... Nothing terribly bad has happened, and I am pretty sure my students have all learned something (and hopefully many things!). I have established a very good relationship with many of my students, which has made my job fun. One class, especially, has been an absolute joy to teach. The students quickly became friends, talked and joked with one another and with me, and we all had a blast! One student commented this morning, "Only three more classes..... I am so sad!" That made me feel really good. I should add that we also learned a lot in this class- students came prepared to report and discuss current events, as they were required to do (since this is an international affairs class), asked tons of questions during lectures (which put us waaaaay behind schedule, but hey, they were learning!) and never challenged me or complained about exams. The funny thing is that there is another section of the exact same course where things could not be more different: the students never became good friends with one another, never talked to one another, rarely asked questions and complained about everything (the fact that I don't post my lectures online, the format of the exam, the study guide....) after they did poorly on the midterm. Class dynamics are such an important part of student learning.... So I am trying to figure out how to create a comfortable, relaxed learning environment where all students feel free to express themselves, but where my expectations as a teacher are clear and non-negotiable.

As for the break.... I do not have definite plans yet, only some ideas of what I want to do. First, I am taking off to Atlanta for a few days right after Christmas. I need to get away for a while! It won't really feel like the semester is over unless I get of here. I am excited to visit Atlanta, which I have heard is a pretty fun place. I have been in its airport many, many times, but have never got out. I am fascinated by the Civil War, and there are lots of history connected with that (as well as with the Civil Rights movement) there.

When I get back home, I need to work on the research project that I am currently working on. I need to both finish the research itself and write it up, a tall order for the three weeks that will remain before school starts again. Oh, and I need to write up my syllabi and prepare lessons, too. So it promises to be a busy break! :)

When loved ones suffer....

One of the hardest things for me is to witness someone I love suffer. Whether the suffering be physical, emotional or spiritual, it just breaks my heart not to be able to take away some of the pain. If something happens to one of my little brothers that causes them anguish, it hurts me almost as much as it does them. I remember when Akilesh was about three years old. He fell from the swing and it came back and the seat- a thick piece of wood- hit him in the head, causing a deep gash in his head. We rushed him to the hospital, and I went into the emergency room with him. When the nurse inserted a needle with the anesthetic right into the wound, the poor child screamed. I couldn't take it; I left the room. To this day, I can't bear it when something happens to my babies. Now it's not physical wounds so much as emotional ones that they suffer. This kind is not any easier for me to witness, knowing how much anguish there is in being rejected by those with whom you would like to be friends, for example. The hardest part, for me, is that no matter how much I empathize, I cannot take the pain away and the person, ultimately, has to carry the load himself.

Right now someone whom I love very much is going through a very difficult time. It does not matter that this person in some measure created her own misery. The fact is that now she cannot escape the pain (or rather feels that she cannot). And I am helpless.... Other than offering a sympathetic ear and words of comfort and encouragement, I cannot do much. And that is hard for me.

How I wish everyone knew about and understood correctly the Atonement of Jesus Christ! I have had heartbreaks before. I have sinned and suffered the consequences of my choices. I have had trials that I thought would break me.

In all these situations, I knew that, if I turned to my Savior, I would find peace. And I did. It has never failed. In the case of sin, I have had to suffer the sorrow of knowing I had caused pain to my Father and to my Savior. In the case of trials, relief has sometimes come only after much pleading and patience. But when I truly turned to the Lord, He always gave me the strength to weather the storm, always granted me peace in the midst of the tempest. It is that peace that I would like my loved one to find at this time. Even if I cannot take away her pain, Someone has already borne it, and there is relief available.... If only she would give it a chance.

Campus in all its glory!

Here are some more photos of the campus. It is a little yellow right now because this area has not received as much rain this summer as usual, but it's still very green!

Faculty Row- housing for faculty

The Deanery- Dean's house

Le Bistro and laundromat

Lake

Boathouse

View of dining hall

Library

Academic buildings hiding behind hedge

Dorms

Chapel

Soccer fields

And finally.... here's a photo of my babies asleep on their pillow under my desk right this second (and Vinny snoring, of course!):

Trip to D.C.

This past weekend I drove up to Washington, D.C., with my brothers.

I am glad I don't live in the D.C. area, because traffic is really bad. It started well over an hour outside the capital. At one point we counted five fender-benders in a one-mile stretch!

I don't know if you can really see it in either photo, but there are four or five lanes of traffic practically at a standstill on the other side.

We had a great time. On Friday evening we went to visit my friend Nad, whom I have known since my senior year in high school, and his wife Danielle. Nad's parents and sister were visiting from Mauritius, so I got to see them again, too. We had a really nice visit, and I look forward to many more.


On Saturday morning I went to the temple. Oh, what a beauty! And that feeling on its grounds.... I didn't want to leave.

But I did go pick up the boys and we did some sight-seeing in D.C.

Ryan on National Mall with Capitol building in background

Akilesh had a really good time.

My favorite place was the WWII memorial, which wasn't there the last time I visited D.C.

An up-close view of the Capitol.

New Life

Here are, as promised, a few photos of my apartment.....

Living room

Hallway

Dining room and kitchen

and of the campus....

Gray Hall, where my office is located

My office!!

Another view of Gray


The little courtyard in which the dining hall and bookstore are located

View of school grounds from Quad; the construction is for the new gymnasium, which will open next year. The campus covers 1300 acres, so all those hills in the background are part of it. Lots of exciting hiking in perspective!

MOVING ACROSS COUNTRY!!!

Thursday, July 10, 2008
Finished cleaning the apartment and loaded a few last things into the trailer. Had the trailer picked up and did the apartment walk-through with the landlord. Had one last dinner with the Tompkinsons at Gandhi's

and then went to buy some snacks for the trip. Left Tucson around 9:15 p.m.

Friday, July 11th
I drove first- drove all night and until 7 a.m. when I just couldn't stay awake anymore. Deva took over and drove for a few hours, and then I took over again. It took us all that day to cross Texas- we were so tired of it! But the eastern part of it was beautiful, as people had told me. We crossed into Arkansas around 5 p.m. Had dinner and spent the night in Arkadelphia.

Saturday, July 12th
The boys didn't get up until almost noon. Checked out and got on our way. Found a sign for
(yes, in Arkansas!) and decided to stop, since it is highly unlikely any of us will be in that corner of the country any time soon. The park is a swamp- first time I'd been in one!


We saw snakes.... possibly cottonmouths?


There was a marker for the spot from which land was surveyed and allotted to soldiers of the war of 1812 and others.


We crossed over the mighty Mississippi River mid-afternoon, and were welcomed into....

While we were driving by Memphis, we thought it was only appropriate that we should stop by

but it was CLOSED!!! At 5 p.m.!!! During SUMMER!!! Does anyone else think that's ridiculous?

We did get to see

as well as

but the house itself we only saw from across the street


Here is Akilesh in front of a mural:


Memphis wasn't very good to me. Not only did its greatest (only???) attraction close 4 minutes before I got there, it was also the place where my middle left finger got smashed in the car door. This is what it looked like right after it happened:


You can see the little bit of blue in the lower left corner. Some kind workers at a pizza place gave me some ice to put on it, but, oh, how it throbbed!

We had planned to drive straight to Virginia, but both Deva and I were so tired we didn't think it was wise. So we stopped for the night in Jackson, TN.

Sunday, July 13th
Left around 11 a.m. and drove all day. Right outside Nashville, I-40 was closed because a semi carrying hazardous materials had overturned somewhere between Nashville and Knoxville. We figured that the best option was to follow the semis, as they would know the best/ quickest way. This little (well, actually HUGE!) detour ended up being quite an adventure and the most fun part of the trip. We drove through the mountains of central Tennessee, almost down to Chattanooga, and had gorgeous views of valleys, meadows and lovely little mountaintop villages. These pictures really do not do justice to the beauty of that part of the state.




By then my nail was turning seriously blue and was throbbing and hurting like heck. Whenever something touched it (and most didn't touch, they somehow managed to slam into it), it would send shocks and waves of pain up my hand. This picture was taken at the beginning of the day; by the evening the whole nail was blue.

We drove throughout that day and decided to keep going until we reached our destination. Deva drove almost all the way; I took over a little after midnight, after we had already crossed into Virginia. I drove the last two hours approximately. When we reached our hotel, my nail was hurting so badly that I asked Deva to try to drain the blood that had accumulated under it to relieve the pressure. We heated up the end of a paper clip using a cigarette lighter, and then he pushed it through the nail (sounds barbaric, but it really doesn't hurt; the hot tip burns cleanly through the nail). However, this little operation was unsuccessful, as the blood had already dried and so couldn't be squeezed out. I would have to continue to suffer. Here's what it looked like after the failed operation:


Monday, July 14th
It is Fete Nationale in France- a.k.a. Bastille Day- and this is the first year I am not holding some kind of celebration.

Drove to Richmond to drop Deva off at the airport. Discovered an excellent Thai restaurant, which will surely become a favorite.

Tuesday, July 15th
Started looking for housing and found nothing.

Wednesday, July 16th
Looked for housing- found a condo overlooking a lake that we really liked.

Thursday, July 17th
Learned that the owner of the condo didn't want renters with pets. Was disappointed, but went to visit another apartment that I really liked. Drove to Richmond again to pick up Megan from the airport. Submitted application for apartment. Drove a bit on the Blue Ridge Parkway, a scenic drive along the Blue Ridge mountains. Breathtaking scenery! Here are some shots of the James River and its environs:

Megan posing on a ledge...


We even went on a little hike!


And a gorgeous red moon on our way back:



Friday, July 18th
Was approved for the apartment. Signed lease and picked up keys. Called moving company, which dropped off the trailer around 6 p.m. Unloaded trailer.

Saturday, July 19th
Unpacked some boxes and tried to get kitchen organized. Evening- went for a walk downtown, there was nothing and nobody there. Apparently downtown is NOT the place to be at night!

Sunday, July 20th
Went to Church and was very warmly welcomed by everyone. Was directed to the correct ward and met my bishop. Was invited to dinner at the Stitts'. Long drive in the surrounding countryside in the evening. No pictures of that, unfortunately, as Megan took them with her camera!

Monday, July 21st
Lunch with the head of my department as well as another colleague. Continued to unpack.

Tuesday, July 22nd
Saw performance of "Romeo and Juliet" outdoors on Sweet Briar campus. Very good, but interrupted by big storm.

Wednesday, July 23rd
Left around 7 a.m. to drive Megan to Richmond airport. Poor thing- her plane sat on the tarmac for hours and then the flight got cancelled because of bad weather! She had to spend the night in Richmond.

Thursday, July 24th
Picked up some furniture- couch, loveseat and bed. Yay! We have somewhere to sit now! Went to the second half of "Romeo and Juliet" with Aubrey, a new friend. Great performance.

11th Anniversary

Today marks exactly eleven years (both datewise and daywise) since I was baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. What a wonderful occasion to remember and celebrate!

My brother and I in our baptismal outfits

Friends, family and missionaries at my baptism, July 6, 1997

I was raised in a good family, I was taught well and I lacked for nothing. I was happy- or so I thought. It was only when I accepted the restored gospel of Jesus Christ and was baptized into His only true Church upon the face of the earth that I came to experience and understand true joy- a "fullness of joy", as the scriptures promise us. It has been an amazing journey these last eleven years. I have learned and grown in unimaginable ways. I have had experiences and opportunities that I would never have dreamt would be mine. I have become someone that I never imagined I would be.... I am truly happy.

I look forward to the rest of my life as a disciple of Jesus Christ and a member of His Church. I am excited to see how my life unfolds, what blessings and opportunities my Heavenly Father has in store for me, and what I am called to accomplish and become in this life. In other words, as I reflect upon the journey I have traveled so far, I look forward to the journey ahead.